Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2KMPH tending to ZERO !

My work day will end in a couple of hours. The pain of going back to an empty house is just beginning. I wonder if there is a way to work all the hours of the day away. That way, I will not have the time to think of anything else.

My day goes tackling about 300-400 emails depending on a day, each of those needs to level of work and coordination. I don't work for a call center, no, but I work sometimes on mindless work. But to do mindless work is sometimes better than going back to an empty house.

I do wish that there was somebody waiting for me at my place everyday when I go back. Something to look forward too, at the end of the day which takes the pain away of working the whole day. A small conversation, some little fights, a big plan for a long weekend and a tall glass of wine. Is it so much to ask for? Why don't i have it today ?

I guess everything is for the good. Everybody has dreams. My comfort level cannot be the basis on which everybody around me should plan their life. But my needs are small and in the common life of all my colleagues, they are present. But nobody really appreciates such small things till it is missing.

The worst part is that my parents live in the same town. I sometimes think, as to why i don't mind sitting at my place all alone, and not visit them. I think the answer is pretty clear in my mind. The don't need me there everyday, which is why I moved out when I got hitched.

Some weeks are especially sad. The weeks on which there are long weekends, weeks where there are festivals. I play loud music and talk to furniture. Maybe I should get a dog. But that would also be wrong. Because I am at work for about 12 hours of the day and am sleeping 6. I would do to him what I am trying to undo.

Yeah I miss her grandly now. I was watching a movie, yesterday, A line struck hard as soon as it was said. It said "you are standing on the road watching life hit you head on, or you are standing on the side and watch it pass by". For whatever it is worth, I would like my life to come back and hit me and not just pass me by. I don't mind the pain or the misery because the moments of happiness will compensate everything.

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