Friday, October 17, 2008

Travel to Go !

Stock markets crashing, kids dying in bore wells, People getting fired and hired, local hoodlums making threats to reverse policy decisions, People losing jobs and the looming fear of a depression, and all I can think of is the way my life is shaping up. I don't think sulking is really the answer to any of these problems. So from today, I stop sulking. So no more sappy posts of utter gloom, when the world is sinking into disaster.

Its raining for a first time this year, and I am actually coming out of my gloom. I am thinking of getting back into the social circles that I have ignored over the past few months. I need to drink and start partying again. Although my city does not allow me to do too much of either. But hey, a little is a start.

Am planning to disappear for a while, try and take a trip to the unknown. Some weird place for about 3-4 weeks. I think the office can wait that long. I hate the hills so I think I want to do Andamans to start with. I will anyways travelling on work after I come back and going to Africa.

The thoughts of the recession scares me, and it makes me wonder if the good times are going to dissapear. Should I do all that I need to do, very soon, before the economy caves in ? I think i will start with a trip.

I hate to plan my trip. I hate ppl who plan their trips. I love to land up at the place and then slowly figure it out. I love to walk my entire trip and usually avoid any public transport or guides. I reckon that you see the world best when you are on your feet, not when you are hearded around.

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2KMPH tending to ZERO !

My work day will end in a couple of hours. The pain of going back to an empty house is just beginning. I wonder if there is a way to work all the hours of the day away. That way, I will not have the time to think of anything else.

My day goes tackling about 300-400 emails depending on a day, each of those needs to level of work and coordination. I don't work for a call center, no, but I work sometimes on mindless work. But to do mindless work is sometimes better than going back to an empty house.

I do wish that there was somebody waiting for me at my place everyday when I go back. Something to look forward too, at the end of the day which takes the pain away of working the whole day. A small conversation, some little fights, a big plan for a long weekend and a tall glass of wine. Is it so much to ask for? Why don't i have it today ?

I guess everything is for the good. Everybody has dreams. My comfort level cannot be the basis on which everybody around me should plan their life. But my needs are small and in the common life of all my colleagues, they are present. But nobody really appreciates such small things till it is missing.

The worst part is that my parents live in the same town. I sometimes think, as to why i don't mind sitting at my place all alone, and not visit them. I think the answer is pretty clear in my mind. The don't need me there everyday, which is why I moved out when I got hitched.

Some weeks are especially sad. The weeks on which there are long weekends, weeks where there are festivals. I play loud music and talk to furniture. Maybe I should get a dog. But that would also be wrong. Because I am at work for about 12 hours of the day and am sleeping 6. I would do to him what I am trying to undo.

Yeah I miss her grandly now. I was watching a movie, yesterday, A line struck hard as soon as it was said. It said "you are standing on the road watching life hit you head on, or you are standing on the side and watch it pass by". For whatever it is worth, I would like my life to come back and hit me and not just pass me by. I don't mind the pain or the misery because the moments of happiness will compensate everything.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Am i sane or insane? or niether ?

Life is still a mystery to me. There are so many things which seem to correctly play out in the areas of faith and trust but then they suddenly seem to fall out and seem incorrect. Like my soul mate partying in one of the resorts in outer Mumbai, while i sulk. I ask myself, If my judgment clouded by the fact that I am not doing anything fun in this weekend, or any of the weekends.

I am not the person who you will be able to pick up a conversation with in a crowded pub, am not that maverick. It takes a lot of time for me to settle down with a person who i can really talk to. I come through to be very rude till that point. Sometimes I hate being with my best friend's and it is only rarely that i find peace in their company. I ask myself, am i pathological loner? Did I push my mate away because of being a loner. Did I leave her to rot in her boredom, when I was happy building walls around me? Is it cos I think too much all the time? Why does my mind keep ticking 24/7 with all the issues which shouldn't concern a normal person ? Am I boring?

It is true that maitey, as i will call her ( not wife, spouse, soul mate or whatever i used to call her b4) is having a gala time with her 'friends' one of which is somebody with whom she has more than a normal platonic relationship. It is true that she keeps saying that there is nothing between them, but i guess the lovey dovey messages that she sends to him and the messages she receives surely means something. Why would maitey be so upset when she knew that 'friend's' parents were looking out for a bride for him. Surely there was nothing platonic about that. Am i doubting her? Should I or should i not ? or should i do neither?

It takes leaps of faith to understand what she wants in life. I did a lot to give her as much freedom as she wanted. Is she or will she use this freedom to cheat on me? Or will this only help me making this relationship better? She was never a normal wife, she liked to take care of the house, but not for long. We decided never to have a child, and never understood the fuss our parents made over being married.

I guess we were never meant to be married. Marriage freaked her out for sure cos it took away from her availability by titling Mrs. xyz. I wondered what she being in a relationship with me did.

Am i sane or insane? or niether ?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Smoking Ban and Sis Alphonsa - How are they related ???!!!

My latest on the conspiracy theories which i generate due to utter lack of other things to do, is on the smoking ban in public places. I have never considered myself a threat to my lungs when i drag repeatedly on the stubs of death, that now i need to care about the people around me. Anyhow here goes the theory

I think the ban is an act of vengeance on the part of Univelers and the P&G's of the world, to hit the ITC business, simply because ITC is coming down hard with there range of soaps and shampoos which were considered the strong hold markets of the former for years. Hows that for a theory ??!!!!

Also the Sainthood given to Sis.Alphonsa, is a part of recogonising the Christians in India, which is happening in the background of our Prime Minister travelling to Europe and America for the nuclear deal and getting a lot of flak for not doing enuff for the crisis in orrisa and karnataka.

The first theory i really care about cos i was one of the worst hit.

Now thats two theories to ponder on !

Monday, October 6, 2008

ThatMan - The Dark Plight

Ever wondered how the world has changed. My co brothers wedding got cancelled yesterday and it could be because of something i said. The invites were out, the clothes were bought and everything was arranged and then the girl changed her mind about the guy.

What made her change her mind could be attributed to me. I just asked a few questions because I admired her spirit of such a pretty girl, who has lived outside Kerela all her entire life who will willing to settle down with my co - brother who is a desi from the a freaking village. It so happened my questions kinda opened up her a lot of questions on what she was getting into. And she changed her mind.

My family now treats me as an outcast, they don't want to see me anywhere around and now is looking to banish me from my home.

Thank God for small mercies, I see a silver lining in the whole thing. I saved a girls life, something which could have been devastating for her. A small deed which could have imprisoned her for life.

I guess it is a big insult to the big family that i come from but i guess it was worth saving a girls life cos i kinda know what kinda life she would have had, if she were to get married.

Am i feeling guilty ? I don't think so ! But i feel bad for my and his parents cos they have to live with this for the rest of there lives but then i kind of thought it was ok.

The times are gone where the boys side used to disrupt a wedding cos of dowry, nowadays its the women who take the lead on such things.

I hope my parents kinda forget and forgive.


Friday, October 3, 2008

I need to know !

I have a valid query!

I have the weirdest questions in my mind. Lately I was watching TV, and I saw a news report on a woman pregnant with a 3 month year baby, she also had a small tape worm in her gut. How scary is that ? Anyways, the doctors have advised her that she will have to let the tape worm grow in her intestine cos if they treat it with iron, then there are chances of a mis-carriage.

Now what bugs me is if the child and the tape worm were born together, does it really mean that they will be actually called twins ?

How would you feel if you had a tape worm for a twin. I guess for the first year post birth you can crawl with him, but then that's it. You really would not care for Tape worm beyond that point.

I need to know !!