Sunday mornings are the worst. I love to work and there is no chance of that today. How did it ever come to this ? I dream of a girl lying by in my couch. But I know that is not going to happen. I wish to step out in the early morning, when the weather is perfect (like today)for a walk with a wanted one, for breakfast at some obscure place, talking, teasing, holding, living the moment. No barriers in finding each other, just so comfortable and basking in the moment.
The best days are the ones which are spent in love. I know this but i cant do much. Everywhere i see i get very jealous for the couples who are together. But I also give in to the soothing feeling of knowing that somebody, if not me, has it right. I just want a portion of it. I dont want to be intrusive and i understand of what they might feel when i stare, but i cant help it. It is sad that there is so much of love out there and i dont have any.
I do my daily routine, wait for the week to start and me to get back to work, so that such thoughts of longing is completely flushed out of my mind by the madness of work. I read books on love during work sometimes, little passages, and i wait, for i have reason to believe, that i will get what i want so badly. The mystic girl will appear. The ones who have left me wont matter anymore. I will spend a few moments with her which will just take me through. Make it worth it.
All my life i have lived for others. Mother, Father, Mate and i have got nothing in return. Not an ounce in return. Not a word to render me peace and happiness to know that i am just as needed, as i made them feel. Like they would do anything for me. Just like i would do anything for them. Not a single person, but i get used everyday by everyone. Someone uses me as a sheild. Someone else uses me as a source of providing them currency. Nobody wants to see what i want. No body cares.
And i yearn and die every moment. Every freaking moment. Why do weekends ever exist?