Monday, March 9, 2009

At crossroads

I have been had so many times in life that I have really become mean. I now suddenly don't care about right or wrong. I dont care about anybody around me anymore. I am never overcome by emotions. I think as to what is the best case scenario for me and I do just that. I have stopped feeling guilty. I don't feel the pain in someones tears. I sometimes even smirk at the ones who are in tears because of the agony I have caused. And world is a better place, atleast for me.

I was always good at getting what I wanted, but was usually stopped by my conscience Losing it has made me so ruthless that I destruct everything around me and I am starting to find things favoring me. It may be wrong that I win these bouts because of me being unfair, but i win nonetheless.

Now I am threading towards the most important misdoing I would have ever done. And suddenly I feel very unhappy. All the guilt of what i have done earlier seems to also pour in making it seem like a big mistake. I think of it everyday and I feel bad, but I keep doing it overcoming it. I have my reasons to do what I am doing, but it is not correct in any sense. I will destroy the lives of people involved in it. And the worst part is there is a date to cross over and never come back which is just two days away. I feel hapless and irritated. And i feel like I have lost the control to stop myself from doing it

Such is my story...

6 comments:

Bedazzled said...

guess this is a plase everyone goes thru .. this too will pass ..

Divya said...

Hey why do you and your wife live in two different places at the same time?

Operative Knick-Knacks said...

@ divya..didnt ur earlier prophesy go wrong.. look i did not blow my brains off !

thendral said...

jindagi bahut lambi hai

SSQuo said...

Coz all this change was an act, and it wasnt YOU. You are just returning to your true self :) Thats a good thing.

Trust with caution.

shruti said...

everyone goe thru these kinda emotions often- hatred for the ppl around, laughing at other's agonies.. specially wen we find things not going gud wid us n others seem to be having a whale of a time.. pretty mortal feelings