At absolute peace you really are happy. When you can accept everything happening around you and stop thinking about it and do things which make you really happy it brings you joy which is uninterrupted. And mind you, there are a lot of bad things happening around me. There is a lay-off in my company, and i had to heartlessly sack two of the people who depended on me to save them. I will get them placed somewhere else and it will all be fine. I can try to do that. There are people who are treating me all wrong, but that does not matter.
I am doing the best now to keep myself happy. I am throwing parties when the whole world around me seems to be in a gloom. I party hard every nite like it was the last nite i will ever get to go out in my life. I sleep as late as 4 in the morning, everyday. I am off for long drives alone, I smoke weed early in the morning as soon as i wake up and hike the high mid afternoon. The whole day is so freaking clear in fron of my eyes.
I work out in the gym in the evening. I started a profile on facebook ( my first social network, where i went in with my real name and profile) and reconnected with friends and dope heads who i knew from another life. People who are married to thai women, people who were role models at one time who are down and tasting the dust.
Life has never been better, everyday is new and is completely different from every other day. It is pretty reckless when you consider smoke weed sitting in the middle of the pavement of a 6 lane high way, bribing your way out of a DUI.
Hell is close i can see, Something will happen in the next few days for all this to stop. But then who cares. And i found a friend in another broken soul, Somebody i cherish now. She is like an angel. The only person who checks on me, Who asks for me, who finds time for me. May she be blessed.
Merry Christmas !