Kerela Trip

I was a little stuck in my native this time around. Constant powercuts and painful relatives were the order of the day. It is so damn hard when the only sleep you get is at 2-3 AM in the morning, and you can sleep because there is a powercut and the mosquitos are not as small as the ones you find in Chennai. The mosquitos in kerela are huge. I let one go post catching it, without killing it, just to see how these birds fly with that kind of body weight. You squash them and you can donate blood. It is hilarious. I used to work with a company which used to sell repellents and I should say, I am awestruck as to how the company still manages to make profits.

Relatives are a source of agony. They are everywhere in Kerela. I wish i could squash them too, but sadly I have to potray a goody goody image. They are after your life most of the time. The last time I went to my native, they were after me to get married. This time they want a kid, which is very wierd. I meet them once in 2 years on an average. How would it matter to them if I had a kid. And how am i expected to have a kid. My wife lives in Mumbai. I am based out of Chennai. If she gets pregnant it better be immaculate. A hand of God, If you know what I mean.

But there were other things which kind of made up for all the downsides. Like, the food. Awesome. Like the lake and the water. The women, so raw and so damn hot.

Kerela teaches you to cool off, to do nothing the entire day which was very nice. The day passes slowly. There is nothing to do. You can sit and read the new paper for 2 hours, the head for the lake and bathe for 2-3 hours. Nobody cares. It is more like if u dont take 3 hours to swim around you are going to be bored sitting idle and looking at passerby's.

After a long time, I did trek into the wilderness that is th village where my father was born and i should say it was far better than the 130 year old rain forests of Malaysia. At some point i was also lost and ended up in some small town, full of people with shocked faces, which is wierd. Can you imagine a small village of people who collectively look shocked through out their lifetimes. I bought a huge jack fruit home dragging it about 6-7 kilometers. I think I stole it, I dont know. But in Kerela nobody steals. Like for example I saw a cashew tree which extended into the middle of the road, full of cashew, and nobody would touch it , If it was Chennai or Mumbai it would have dissapeared in an hour. There are mangoes everywhere, ripe, green, different shapes all at a arms distance, but nobody seems to want it. Nobody in the village earns more than 4-5 K a month, which is quite suprising. They just dont need the money. If you offer a easier lifestyle for lesser salary, they are all ready to take it.

Such was my travel to my holy land, Kerela.

Hope is a demon bitch

Whats the story morning Glory? I guess there is enough love in my life. I set forth to find it a few days back from whoever offers it. I found many who are willing to care, people I have not seen or heard from before, but ones who do really care.

I wrote earlier in my other blog if it is ok to be completely and madly in love with two women. I think not now. Because you are always failing the legitimate one everyday when you share love with somebody else. But having said this it does solve a lot of non issues. It helps the legitimate one realise your worth. It makes her jealous of the fact that there are others who are willing and ready to take her place.Now is that true love i ask myself, or is it just an attempt to regain possession, seperate you from your circle and then again take for granted.

However I am loving the attention. It keeps me occupied and I feel happy. It keeps me away from the work front which is seriously bad. Its not bad because we have lots of work and very little time or because work is boring. There isnt any work, as we dwell in gloomy times like every news channel is propounding. Everything is shut down because we want to save money for a rainy day an do only those things which we are assured off. No risks ! No ideation ! Nothing.

And we hope for things to come together. And like I said. Hope is a demon bitch

And the day goes on.....

There are a few things I learnt yesterday. There is no romance in a satisfied relationship. Just like most artforms, where beauty is more about imperfection, so in a relationship, romance is only alive when there are problems. so unless there is a cash crunch, unless there is some insecurity in the relationship there is no love. There are different types of women, but you can broadly classify them into two. The ones who think they know exactly what they want or the ones who know only what they dont like. Both these are adorable and troublesome at the same time. You will need to thread through a lot of pain to satisfy both types but the pleasure is true.

I have also realised that i have also a lot of passion to express, all thats in me, i also know i am not all that talented. No, not a sign of a lack of confidence, but a fact you face when you really are sure of thoughts and actions. But i guess that is life, you do your best, no matter how little. I am reading machevelli, a good friend bought it for me, i wouldnt have bought it myself. I am not into amoral politics. I believe in survival though.

So much for today.........

Huff-Puff organisation

The day of laying off is over. I am saved but i wish was also sacked in a lot of ways. The guilt of being around when you see dreams broken of people who placed their trust in you is bad enough. But to see them lose the whole plot, and suffer because of the selfishless of some people who are running individual agendas is awful. Thank God 2008 is over.

But I have realised that the worst is yet not over. We are now the traditional 'curd rice' organisation. Its quite painful when you have to accept the fact that you will spend the next year with people who are no good and complete morons. What is the point in working at a place which is filled with morons. Morons behave differently from normal people when they acquire positon or power. They are complete jerks, they are in every moment trying to bully people because in a sane and non sensitive environment it would be pretty evident that they are morons.

The start of the New Year was good. The party was awesome. The women in Mumbai are intoxicating as I have always said. That city knows how to party. But with alchohol level as high as it is now in my body, even after a week of the new year is pretty annoying. I should quit drinking. Ok maybe reduce it to acceptable levels.

Life is good. There is no work, because support functions do work only when there is money to work with. And things like Branding etc are very budget driven. Today my role is more of less of a gyan guru. And with no money to execute its is just gyan. the year is picking up, the markets are losing the sensitivity of recession. I can see it happening all around me. And this makes me happy. I dont want the prime of my life shrunk because of the God damn recession. And also because i would like the organisation to start recruiting some intelligent people to be with.

I have started studying again. Am doing my MA in psyhology which is more or less an allied course to my profession. Atleast the reading and studying keeps my mind away from the other mindless SOB's

So that's that !

Off to Mumbai tommorow

It amazing how I have always wanted to be with someone on New Year's and today after about three years I will be with my wife in Mumbai.For the last three years I have ached to be with her, but she preffered to be with her freinds. This time around she wants to be around me, but given the various occurences that i now know off, It would be hard for me to keep a straight face.

I will be on my way tommorow. It is going to be hard. There is so little i expect out of it. I dont want to get all stoned and heady about the whole thing. I was to keep this as professional as it should be. I know it is strange, but there is so little i write on this blog with reference to the things i really know.

But it sure gives me a high that I will be in Mumbai for the New Year's. The city has some kind of energy which will help any mood. There isnt time to sit and sulk in that city. Pub hopping is something i have always been fond off. To take the best of one party and then go to another. I hope they play good music and there is a free flow of booze from every quarter. I hope it does not get boring.

2008 has been extremely bad for me. I am happy to see it go. I hope when the clock ticks and the year changes, things will all change. I am not talking to economy and lay offs here. I hope the New Year is the best year of my life. And to everybody who reads this post( which i suspect wil be very few), Happy New year mates, May the best come in your life too.

Life is perfect rite now

At absolute peace you really are happy. When you can accept everything happening around you and stop thinking about it and do things which make you really happy it brings you joy which is uninterrupted. And mind you, there are a lot of bad things happening around me. There is a lay-off in my company, and i had to heartlessly sack two of the people who depended on me to save them. I will get them placed somewhere else and it will all be fine. I can try to do that. There are people who are treating me all wrong, but that does not matter.

I am doing the best now to keep myself happy. I am throwing parties when the whole world around me seems to be in a gloom. I party hard every nite like it was the last nite i will ever get to go out in my life. I sleep as late as 4 in the morning, everyday. I am off for long drives alone, I smoke weed early in the morning as soon as i wake up and hike the high mid afternoon. The whole day is so freaking clear in fron of my eyes.

I work out in the gym in the evening. I started a profile on facebook ( my first social network, where i went in with my real name and profile) and reconnected with friends and dope heads who i knew from another life. People who are married to thai women, people who were role models at one time who are down and tasting the dust.

Life has never been better, everyday is new and is completely different from every other day. It is pretty reckless when you consider smoke weed sitting in the middle of the pavement of a 6 lane high way, bribing your way out of a DUI.

Hell is close i can see, Something will happen in the next few days for all this to stop. But then who cares. And i found a friend in another broken soul, Somebody i cherish now. She is like an angel. The only person who checks on me, Who asks for me, who finds time for me. May she be blessed.

Merry Christmas !

If I lost my job due to the recession...

Turbulent times are here to stay and there isnt much anybody can do but pray. So here goes my set of dreams for the period if i were to lose my job. The moment this thought hit me in my head, I was really worried and irritated, but know I guess I am hoping for such a thing to happen.

The freedom is mouth watering. I have a lof of assets which I have accumalated during my good times. Assets which are not property or stocks or bank balance, but things which i have bought which i so hardly use. I will sell all these at whatever it fetches me. I guess liqudity is the problem and i will solve it for the time being by giving away everything which i have managed to buy.

I would not want to lose the next two years of my life to a global phenomenon. So i have decided that i will not waste it by worrying about it. I shall " fuck- it-all" and go out of my current comfort zone and lose touch with everybody who is remotely familiar. I will lose all the bonds which hold me back to do the things i wanted to do all my life.

I would start with North-East. I would like it to get lost in the wilderness and be completely independent. I will spend whatever i have earned in the last 8 years of my life in the next two years of my life. Suddenly I dont think the loneliness is a bad thing. Arent we blessed to be alone in times like this and not needing to worry for the ones around. I would choose the lowest means of transport and accomodation and travel and test humanity and people to take me around these beautiful places.

A friend of mine quipped that being from the middle class inhibits you to dream like this, because we are not used to a life like this. This is more for the classes who have everything to lose, who like a free life. I find the whole line of thought illogical. I guess some of the intial months will be tough, it will be a drastic change from the cushy life i would leave, but since there is no option or drive to bounce back, i think i will settle.


I have a weird feeling that if all this were to happen and i happen to behave exactly the way i have written these 2 years of recession will be the only two years which i have well spent. The thought is mouth watering.


So long...