There are a few things I learnt yesterday. There is no romance in a satisfied relationship. Just like most artforms, where beauty is more about imperfection, so in a relationship, romance is only alive when there are problems. so unless there is a cash crunch, unless there is some insecurity in the relationship there is no love. There are different types of women, but you can broadly classify them into two. The ones who think they know exactly what they want or the ones who know only what they dont like. Both these are adorable and troublesome at the same time. You will need to thread through a lot of pain to satisfy both types but the pleasure is true.
I have also realised that i have also a lot of passion to express, all thats in me, i also know i am not all that talented. No, not a sign of a lack of confidence, but a fact you face when you really are sure of thoughts and actions. But i guess that is life, you do your best, no matter how little. I am reading machevelli, a good friend bought it for me, i wouldnt have bought it myself. I am not into amoral politics. I believe in survival though.
So much for today.........
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Huff-Puff organisation
The day of laying off is over. I am saved but i wish was also sacked in a lot of ways. The guilt of being around when you see dreams broken of people who placed their trust in you is bad enough. But to see them lose the whole plot, and suffer because of the selfishless of some people who are running individual agendas is awful. Thank God 2008 is over.
But I have realised that the worst is yet not over. We are now the traditional 'curd rice' organisation. Its quite painful when you have to accept the fact that you will spend the next year with people who are no good and complete morons. What is the point in working at a place which is filled with morons. Morons behave differently from normal people when they acquire positon or power. They are complete jerks, they are in every moment trying to bully people because in a sane and non sensitive environment it would be pretty evident that they are morons.
The start of the New Year was good. The party was awesome. The women in Mumbai are intoxicating as I have always said. That city knows how to party. But with alchohol level as high as it is now in my body, even after a week of the new year is pretty annoying. I should quit drinking. Ok maybe reduce it to acceptable levels.
Life is good. There is no work, because support functions do work only when there is money to work with. And things like Branding etc are very budget driven. Today my role is more of less of a gyan guru. And with no money to execute its is just gyan. the year is picking up, the markets are losing the sensitivity of recession. I can see it happening all around me. And this makes me happy. I dont want the prime of my life shrunk because of the God damn recession. And also because i would like the organisation to start recruiting some intelligent people to be with.
I have started studying again. Am doing my MA in psyhology which is more or less an allied course to my profession. Atleast the reading and studying keeps my mind away from the other mindless SOB's
So that's that !
But I have realised that the worst is yet not over. We are now the traditional 'curd rice' organisation. Its quite painful when you have to accept the fact that you will spend the next year with people who are no good and complete morons. What is the point in working at a place which is filled with morons. Morons behave differently from normal people when they acquire positon or power. They are complete jerks, they are in every moment trying to bully people because in a sane and non sensitive environment it would be pretty evident that they are morons.
The start of the New Year was good. The party was awesome. The women in Mumbai are intoxicating as I have always said. That city knows how to party. But with alchohol level as high as it is now in my body, even after a week of the new year is pretty annoying. I should quit drinking. Ok maybe reduce it to acceptable levels.
Life is good. There is no work, because support functions do work only when there is money to work with. And things like Branding etc are very budget driven. Today my role is more of less of a gyan guru. And with no money to execute its is just gyan. the year is picking up, the markets are losing the sensitivity of recession. I can see it happening all around me. And this makes me happy. I dont want the prime of my life shrunk because of the God damn recession. And also because i would like the organisation to start recruiting some intelligent people to be with.
I have started studying again. Am doing my MA in psyhology which is more or less an allied course to my profession. Atleast the reading and studying keeps my mind away from the other mindless SOB's
So that's that !
Monday, December 29, 2008
Off to Mumbai tommorow
It amazing how I have always wanted to be with someone on New Year's and today after about three years I will be with my wife in Mumbai.For the last three years I have ached to be with her, but she preffered to be with her freinds. This time around she wants to be around me, but given the various occurences that i now know off, It would be hard for me to keep a straight face.
I will be on my way tommorow. It is going to be hard. There is so little i expect out of it. I dont want to get all stoned and heady about the whole thing. I was to keep this as professional as it should be. I know it is strange, but there is so little i write on this blog with reference to the things i really know.
But it sure gives me a high that I will be in Mumbai for the New Year's. The city has some kind of energy which will help any mood. There isnt time to sit and sulk in that city. Pub hopping is something i have always been fond off. To take the best of one party and then go to another. I hope they play good music and there is a free flow of booze from every quarter. I hope it does not get boring.
2008 has been extremely bad for me. I am happy to see it go. I hope when the clock ticks and the year changes, things will all change. I am not talking to economy and lay offs here. I hope the New Year is the best year of my life. And to everybody who reads this post( which i suspect wil be very few), Happy New year mates, May the best come in your life too.
I will be on my way tommorow. It is going to be hard. There is so little i expect out of it. I dont want to get all stoned and heady about the whole thing. I was to keep this as professional as it should be. I know it is strange, but there is so little i write on this blog with reference to the things i really know.
But it sure gives me a high that I will be in Mumbai for the New Year's. The city has some kind of energy which will help any mood. There isnt time to sit and sulk in that city. Pub hopping is something i have always been fond off. To take the best of one party and then go to another. I hope they play good music and there is a free flow of booze from every quarter. I hope it does not get boring.
2008 has been extremely bad for me. I am happy to see it go. I hope when the clock ticks and the year changes, things will all change. I am not talking to economy and lay offs here. I hope the New Year is the best year of my life. And to everybody who reads this post( which i suspect wil be very few), Happy New year mates, May the best come in your life too.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Life is perfect rite now
At absolute peace you really are happy. When you can accept everything happening around you and stop thinking about it and do things which make you really happy it brings you joy which is uninterrupted. And mind you, there are a lot of bad things happening around me. There is a lay-off in my company, and i had to heartlessly sack two of the people who depended on me to save them. I will get them placed somewhere else and it will all be fine. I can try to do that. There are people who are treating me all wrong, but that does not matter.
I am doing the best now to keep myself happy. I am throwing parties when the whole world around me seems to be in a gloom. I party hard every nite like it was the last nite i will ever get to go out in my life. I sleep as late as 4 in the morning, everyday. I am off for long drives alone, I smoke weed early in the morning as soon as i wake up and hike the high mid afternoon. The whole day is so freaking clear in fron of my eyes.
I work out in the gym in the evening. I started a profile on facebook ( my first social network, where i went in with my real name and profile) and reconnected with friends and dope heads who i knew from another life. People who are married to thai women, people who were role models at one time who are down and tasting the dust.
Life has never been better, everyday is new and is completely different from every other day. It is pretty reckless when you consider smoke weed sitting in the middle of the pavement of a 6 lane high way, bribing your way out of a DUI.
Hell is close i can see, Something will happen in the next few days for all this to stop. But then who cares. And i found a friend in another broken soul, Somebody i cherish now. She is like an angel. The only person who checks on me, Who asks for me, who finds time for me. May she be blessed.
Merry Christmas !
I am doing the best now to keep myself happy. I am throwing parties when the whole world around me seems to be in a gloom. I party hard every nite like it was the last nite i will ever get to go out in my life. I sleep as late as 4 in the morning, everyday. I am off for long drives alone, I smoke weed early in the morning as soon as i wake up and hike the high mid afternoon. The whole day is so freaking clear in fron of my eyes.
I work out in the gym in the evening. I started a profile on facebook ( my first social network, where i went in with my real name and profile) and reconnected with friends and dope heads who i knew from another life. People who are married to thai women, people who were role models at one time who are down and tasting the dust.
Life has never been better, everyday is new and is completely different from every other day. It is pretty reckless when you consider smoke weed sitting in the middle of the pavement of a 6 lane high way, bribing your way out of a DUI.
Hell is close i can see, Something will happen in the next few days for all this to stop. But then who cares. And i found a friend in another broken soul, Somebody i cherish now. She is like an angel. The only person who checks on me, Who asks for me, who finds time for me. May she be blessed.
Merry Christmas !
Thursday, December 4, 2008
If I lost my job due to the recession...
Turbulent times are here to stay and there isnt much anybody can do but pray. So here goes my set of dreams for the period if i were to lose my job. The moment this thought hit me in my head, I was really worried and irritated, but know I guess I am hoping for such a thing to happen.
The freedom is mouth watering. I have a lof of assets which I have accumalated during my good times. Assets which are not property or stocks or bank balance, but things which i have bought which i so hardly use. I will sell all these at whatever it fetches me. I guess liqudity is the problem and i will solve it for the time being by giving away everything which i have managed to buy.
I would not want to lose the next two years of my life to a global phenomenon. So i have decided that i will not waste it by worrying about it. I shall " fuck- it-all" and go out of my current comfort zone and lose touch with everybody who is remotely familiar. I will lose all the bonds which hold me back to do the things i wanted to do all my life.
I would start with North-East. I would like it to get lost in the wilderness and be completely independent. I will spend whatever i have earned in the last 8 years of my life in the next two years of my life. Suddenly I dont think the loneliness is a bad thing. Arent we blessed to be alone in times like this and not needing to worry for the ones around. I would choose the lowest means of transport and accomodation and travel and test humanity and people to take me around these beautiful places.
A friend of mine quipped that being from the middle class inhibits you to dream like this, because we are not used to a life like this. This is more for the classes who have everything to lose, who like a free life. I find the whole line of thought illogical. I guess some of the intial months will be tough, it will be a drastic change from the cushy life i would leave, but since there is no option or drive to bounce back, i think i will settle.
I have a weird feeling that if all this were to happen and i happen to behave exactly the way i have written these 2 years of recession will be the only two years which i have well spent. The thought is mouth watering.
So long...
The freedom is mouth watering. I have a lof of assets which I have accumalated during my good times. Assets which are not property or stocks or bank balance, but things which i have bought which i so hardly use. I will sell all these at whatever it fetches me. I guess liqudity is the problem and i will solve it for the time being by giving away everything which i have managed to buy.
I would not want to lose the next two years of my life to a global phenomenon. So i have decided that i will not waste it by worrying about it. I shall " fuck- it-all" and go out of my current comfort zone and lose touch with everybody who is remotely familiar. I will lose all the bonds which hold me back to do the things i wanted to do all my life.
I would start with North-East. I would like it to get lost in the wilderness and be completely independent. I will spend whatever i have earned in the last 8 years of my life in the next two years of my life. Suddenly I dont think the loneliness is a bad thing. Arent we blessed to be alone in times like this and not needing to worry for the ones around. I would choose the lowest means of transport and accomodation and travel and test humanity and people to take me around these beautiful places.
A friend of mine quipped that being from the middle class inhibits you to dream like this, because we are not used to a life like this. This is more for the classes who have everything to lose, who like a free life. I find the whole line of thought illogical. I guess some of the intial months will be tough, it will be a drastic change from the cushy life i would leave, but since there is no option or drive to bounce back, i think i will settle.
I have a weird feeling that if all this were to happen and i happen to behave exactly the way i have written these 2 years of recession will be the only two years which i have well spent. The thought is mouth watering.
So long...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Better Days
The whole of last week went well. Funerals and weddings, People falling sick all around and a global recession staring you in your face in everything, but it went well. It felt better to be around people although not for the right reasons. Also I bought something which made me feel very good. it was a old second hand handed down thing but it was worth it. My older one was draining me of all the money cos it was behaving like a bitch. Yeah I bought a car.
Its funny thought how little I care about things which i buy. I mean all my buddies from work are more excited than me. For me its just a means to reach from point A to point B. Its just a means to an end. But so often i see people fall of benefits which are self expressive in nature. Like a friend who only bought a big car because he thought that people give him respect when he lands up at a hotel or a valet. But I guess my happiness rooted from the fact that I would be spending lesser time and money on the old one.
Another important thing is for me to understand why people scratch a newly painted car. I mean what drives these people. Are they jealous of somebody elses wealth ? or a show of wealth ? or it is just that they dont like to see things in perfection. I mean , I cannot let the black glowing body of a car just be, so here I go taking some paint off it with my key. I couldnt care less though. Its not going to reach me slower to office cos it has a scratch on its hood. Ha! so who cares? But that didnt stop people I knew from loathing about it
I am reading Arvind Adiga's book( White Tiger). I mean its funny and well written. But I also know why he won the Man booker. He showed India down. Althought its predicted that India will be the 4th largest economy in the world in a couple of years, everybody in the west love to see India as a nation of Snake charmers. I guess the religious mystique will be lost if we were all glass towers and take overs. Anyways I can attribute this book to have bought some happiness, because it made me sit back and read the book till the wee hours of the morning. Never done that in a long time now.
I was in Mumbai for a couple of days doing what i do best. Drinking. I think if my liver could just talk, it would scream. I needed two days to get my body back from the clutches of alchohol. But thats how i drink, when i drink, i drink to get sloshed. Mumbai has a very uplifting effect on me. I slowly crawl back to my element when I am there. Maybe its the women in the city. I dont know.
So generally and relatively it was a great week !!
Its funny thought how little I care about things which i buy. I mean all my buddies from work are more excited than me. For me its just a means to reach from point A to point B. Its just a means to an end. But so often i see people fall of benefits which are self expressive in nature. Like a friend who only bought a big car because he thought that people give him respect when he lands up at a hotel or a valet. But I guess my happiness rooted from the fact that I would be spending lesser time and money on the old one.
Another important thing is for me to understand why people scratch a newly painted car. I mean what drives these people. Are they jealous of somebody elses wealth ? or a show of wealth ? or it is just that they dont like to see things in perfection. I mean , I cannot let the black glowing body of a car just be, so here I go taking some paint off it with my key. I couldnt care less though. Its not going to reach me slower to office cos it has a scratch on its hood. Ha! so who cares? But that didnt stop people I knew from loathing about it
I am reading Arvind Adiga's book( White Tiger). I mean its funny and well written. But I also know why he won the Man booker. He showed India down. Althought its predicted that India will be the 4th largest economy in the world in a couple of years, everybody in the west love to see India as a nation of Snake charmers. I guess the religious mystique will be lost if we were all glass towers and take overs. Anyways I can attribute this book to have bought some happiness, because it made me sit back and read the book till the wee hours of the morning. Never done that in a long time now.
I was in Mumbai for a couple of days doing what i do best. Drinking. I think if my liver could just talk, it would scream. I needed two days to get my body back from the clutches of alchohol. But thats how i drink, when i drink, i drink to get sloshed. Mumbai has a very uplifting effect on me. I slowly crawl back to my element when I am there. Maybe its the women in the city. I dont know.
So generally and relatively it was a great week !!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
General Rambling
Sunday mornings are the worst. I love to work and there is no chance of that today. How did it ever come to this ? I dream of a girl lying by in my couch. But I know that is not going to happen. I wish to step out in the early morning, when the weather is perfect (like today)for a walk with a wanted one, for breakfast at some obscure place, talking, teasing, holding, living the moment. No barriers in finding each other, just so comfortable and basking in the moment.
The best days are the ones which are spent in love. I know this but i cant do much. Everywhere i see i get very jealous for the couples who are together. But I also give in to the soothing feeling of knowing that somebody, if not me, has it right. I just want a portion of it. I dont want to be intrusive and i understand of what they might feel when i stare, but i cant help it. It is sad that there is so much of love out there and i dont have any.
I do my daily routine, wait for the week to start and me to get back to work, so that such thoughts of longing is completely flushed out of my mind by the madness of work. I read books on love during work sometimes, little passages, and i wait, for i have reason to believe, that i will get what i want so badly. The mystic girl will appear. The ones who have left me wont matter anymore. I will spend a few moments with her which will just take me through. Make it worth it.
All my life i have lived for others. Mother, Father, Mate and i have got nothing in return. Not an ounce in return. Not a word to render me peace and happiness to know that i am just as needed, as i made them feel. Like they would do anything for me. Just like i would do anything for them. Not a single person, but i get used everyday by everyone. Someone uses me as a sheild. Someone else uses me as a source of providing them currency. Nobody wants to see what i want. No body cares.
And i yearn and die every moment. Every freaking moment. Why do weekends ever exist?
The best days are the ones which are spent in love. I know this but i cant do much. Everywhere i see i get very jealous for the couples who are together. But I also give in to the soothing feeling of knowing that somebody, if not me, has it right. I just want a portion of it. I dont want to be intrusive and i understand of what they might feel when i stare, but i cant help it. It is sad that there is so much of love out there and i dont have any.
I do my daily routine, wait for the week to start and me to get back to work, so that such thoughts of longing is completely flushed out of my mind by the madness of work. I read books on love during work sometimes, little passages, and i wait, for i have reason to believe, that i will get what i want so badly. The mystic girl will appear. The ones who have left me wont matter anymore. I will spend a few moments with her which will just take me through. Make it worth it.
All my life i have lived for others. Mother, Father, Mate and i have got nothing in return. Not an ounce in return. Not a word to render me peace and happiness to know that i am just as needed, as i made them feel. Like they would do anything for me. Just like i would do anything for them. Not a single person, but i get used everyday by everyone. Someone uses me as a sheild. Someone else uses me as a source of providing them currency. Nobody wants to see what i want. No body cares.
And i yearn and die every moment. Every freaking moment. Why do weekends ever exist?
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